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Marriage Advice Avoid Marital Drift

You know it happens in marriages all the time.  You were so close, but over the months or years the passion fades and things get a bit more stale and mechanical.  You both wonder what is happening to your love as your relationship seems to become more about the kids and making money and the burdens and responsibilities of life.  This is " relationship drift." 

It is normal in all long term marriages to experience relationship drift.   It is normal for the passion to fade and for responsibilities and burdens to replace the love and pleasure you used to take in each other.  It is normal, and it of course can be deadly to your marriage.  The less you enjoy and play with each other, the greater the chance for divorce or an affair.  What can you do?

Well, as we've discussed in other articles, one of the top keys to a great relationship is PLAY.  In the beginning you played a lot with each other.  You went to movies, had sex, went out to eat, did lots of fun things together.  Then over time you stopped doing a lot of those things as you got caught up in the burdens and challenges of making a living and raising kids.  After several years many relationships and marriages have almost no play in them at all.

So one of the first, easiest things you can do to stop relationship drift is to bring back more play in your marriage.  Set up date nights where you spend some quality time doing things you both enjoy together.  You don’t have to have more than one date night a week, but just one can make a big difference.  Make this a special time where you don’t complain about work or talk about the kids or other family issues.  Make it a time to relax and enjoy the occasion and each other.  Focus on your partner and you having a good time. 

Another thing you can do to stop relationship drift is also very simple.  Have just a few minutes a day of deep connection.  Give each other a hug and look at each other in the eye.  Studies have indicated that many couples over time stop making direct, intimate eye contact.  It is an oversimplification, but looking each other in the eye when you talk or hug can be important.  You will each feel "seen" by your spouse, and this is vital.

Marriage isn't all fun and games.  There are many ways to begin to reverse and repair marital drift.  But these two steps can make an immediate difference beginning today. 

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