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Marriage Advice
- Find Your Love Buttons
We are all in marriages to feel love. That's
what we want. This is no great secret. The more love we feel, the more
intimate and connected and close our sense of the relationship.
At first, when we get into a relationship, we feel a lot of love. In the
first stage of falling in love, we do actually feel a lot of love.
Once we are married after the initial courting phase, sometimes we feel
loved and sometimes we feel distant or just okay or whatever.
However, there is a way to make each other feel really loved every day.
Maybe twice or five times as loved as we normally do. This skill can be
called the Love Multiplier.
The Love Multiplier is deceptively simple. It is about finding both of your
love buttons. The first thing you need to do is to discover your
personal structure for feeling loved. Yes, you have a "structure" for
feeling loved by your spouse. There is some thing or combination of things
that he/she can do that make you feel really loved. You know what it is
though you may not have thought about it in this way before.
How this works is that some things make you feel loved and some don't. If a
fly buzzes around your ear, you don't feel love. When your mate whispers
huskily into your ear you may feel strongly loved. The clue is that some
things work to make you feel loved and others have no affect on you.
Is this a marriage revelation or
what??
Feelings of love don't just happen to us willy-nilly. Oftentimes, feelings
are results, they have causes or "structures." Of all the things your spouse
does, when you can identify the behaviors that make you feel loved you can
start to feel it "on purpose."
We each have a unique way that we feel love. Some of us feel it
kinesthetically, through certain kinds of touch. Others visually, through
our mate dressing up for us and showing us a good time. You just need to
figure out what your mate does that pushes your love button, and figure out
what pushed their love button. Then start pushing their love buttons and
have them start pushing yours.
There's more to all of this, but with some self discovery you can start
feeling more love several times a day. All it
takes is some detective work to discover your love buttons and those of your
spouse, then start pushing them on purpose every day. |
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