Marriage Advice When You're The Only
Fixing marriage problems when you're the only one
trying is challenging, but it can be done. There are lots of skills to help
you with this, but a good one to begin with is the 4 Step Marital Change
Step One: Get Clear on What You Want To Have Change. What is it that
would make the relationship better? Is it more sex? More communication? More
fun time? Less fighting and arguing? More quality time spent together with
the kids as a family? Less jealousy?
What's important here is to be as specific and clear as you can be about the
change you want to see. That way, you'll be more likely to get it.
This is a key step that many lovers miss when they want to change their
relationship. They know they want some change, but don't get concrete
about the change they want. Starting with little changes helps also.
Step Two: Make a request of your spouse. Pick one thing you want to
change first and then simply ask your mate, being as specific and concrete
as you can. Don't say Can we have more communication? That is vague and
could mean anything.
Be much more specific by saying something like "Can we spend some quality
time talking about our day after we get home from work?" Make it very easy
for your partner to see what you want them to do.
Step Three: You've made a specific request, so expect a specific
answer. Let your spouse either say yes, no, or maybe. Don't let them ignore
You may be surprised but if you paint an inviting picture of what you want
you will often just get a yes. Or they may want to negotiate a different
time to talk. And, of course, they may say no, but if so, no need to worry.
Step Four. Dealing with no. If they say no, you don't need to argue
or fight. Often times, their first no can be automatic. They just need to
get it off their chest before they can accede to your request. Other times,
their no can be just a delayed yes. They will just start doing what you
asked them without ever saying yes.
The important thing with a no is to honor it. But you can always ask again
later in the week, and see what they say next time. When it is important to
you and the future of your relationship, don't give up after just one no.
Marriage advice for fixing marriage problems when you are the only one
trying isn't easy. This tool will help. You can make things better with a
little of the right kind of focus and effort.