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Marriage Advice - Why Men Leave

When it comes to marriage, we all have high hopes.  In the beginning, things are great.  Then, over time, the love can seem to leave the marriage and you may be staring down the barrel of a divorce.

Here is why a lot of men (and women) leave relationships: they feel bad and blame it on their spouse. It is called projection. If a man wakes up a few mornings in a row and feels unhappy, he will tend not to own this feeling.

He won't just admit he has bad or heavy feelings this morning.   That he has feelings of dissatisfaction.  Instead, subconsciously, he will tend to look around, see his mate, and blame her. We must be falling out of love!

It is obvious! She is not paying as much attention to me anymore. She has also gained ten pounds. She doesn't love me as much anymore!  No wonder I feel sad and depressed. It is her fault!

So because of projection he feels like he is justified in attacking and creating problems where none existed. "Why don't you work out at the gym anymore? You're starting to look less attractive!  Why are you this and that and such and such!"  This, of course, is the road to a rocky marriage!

Projection shows why so many marriages break up. We (men and women) start to blame others for our own negative emotions. We aren't trained to own or be responsible for our feelings.

Jack has been feeling off lately. He tells Suzie he isn't too happy, and is falling out of love with her. Now, what's happening in reality is that Jack is having some feelings of ennui and emptiness. In the emotional journey that all lives are, "emptiness" has come up for him. It is a feeling we all get as human beings from time to time. He could honestly say to himself "I am having feelings of emptiness. I notice nothing seems to be very exciting lately. Everything, including my love life and work life, seems dull and listless. What an amazing feeling to have!"

He could OWN his feelings, but he's never been trained how to do that! He certainly wasn't taught that in school. By "owning" or acknowledging these feelings to himself, he could begin to integrate them, instead of keep them in his unconscious (the Shadow Side of his psyche). He could become more whole and less split. But no! Most of us are "taught" that if you feel bad, you need a better toothpaste, a new car, a sexier playmate, something outside yourself.

Consider the idea that we all have a shadow side of ourselves where we hold or store feelings we can't own, like sadness or rage. We walk around like everything is fine, but then our child spills a glass of milk and we rage and rant out of control. This is the shadow side ranting!

So projection will often cause men to leave a relationship and feel like they are falling out of love.  What can Suzie do about this?  She can first be aware that this happens.  That is a good start.  Then, she can talk to Jack about his feelings, and help him to begin to own his own negative feelings rather than blame her.

Marriage Advice Action Plan:

If your mate is feeling bad, is he blaming you?  See if you can talk to him about his feelings.  And see if you can point out that he doesn't need to blame the marriage if he feels bad sometimes!

Marriage advice and guidance is good to learn.  A little relationship intelligence can go a long way in providing the type of marriage guidance that can help your relationship to thrive.  Spending some time learning relationship IQ can pay off for years down the road.  Marriage advice doesn't need to be hard to understand or follow!  Take an insight and try it in your marriage today.

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