marriage guidance                                                    

Marriage Advice On The Pain Of Being Married

We all recognize and have felt the pain of not being in an intimate relationship. We feel bad, like something's missing. Yes, we're okay by ourselves, being on our own. But there is an actual physical and emotional pain sometimes that goes with not having a mate.

So when we find a partner we feel great. The pain goes away. We feel complete, we feel loved and loving, it's all great. We are in the honeymoon phase of our marriage, where everything is marvelous. The pain we felt of being alone has disappeared.

Then something interesting happens as we leave the honeymoon phase. As we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase, where we start to get back to our own interests and goals and separate from our mate some, some pain returns. The second phase is about having a spouse and having a life, balancing relationship with the other drives of life.

In this phase, we usually still feel love for our husband or wife, but we start to notice issues. Perhaps they start to seem too needy or clingy. Or conversely they may seem too distant or like they need too much space.

Here's something nobody ever told us. Sure, there's pain in not having a partner, but there is also pain in being in a marriage. And none of us can escape it, there is some pain in just being married!

We tend to idealize relationships because of the honeymoon phase. We think we should always feel so loved and loving and at one with our mate. But that phase doesn't last. It can't last. A marriage isn't meant to be the source of all our happiness and love. There are other journeys in life we must take.

Get this: There is pain in being married. It could be mild, like wondering if you really love your mate anymore, or it could be dramatic, like screaming and shouting matches.

So you are doing well if you understand that marriages come with pain. You don't need to kill off the relationship because you are hurting or your partner is dissatisfied. Dissatisfaction is just another pain we can feel inside a relationship. You can stay in your marriage through the pain. Another relationship won't be the answer, because it will have pain too.

And another thing to understand is that you can let the pains that arise in your marriage lead you to greater understanding. You can stay in the relationship and usually work through the painful experiences. And you can both continue to mature and grow inside the pains and joys of having a partnership.

Action Plan:

Notice any pain you feel in your marriage.  What kind is it?  Worry?  Feeling smothered?  Feeling isolated?  Conflict?

What requests can you make of your spouse?  Don't try to make them into a mind reader.  Ask for what you need from time to time.

Marriage advice and guidance is good to learn.  A little relationship intelligence can go a long way in providing the type of marriage guidance that can help your relationship to thrive.  Spending some time learning relationship IQ can pay off for years down the road.  Marriage advice doesn't need to be hard to understand or follow!  Take an insight and try it in your marriage today.


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