marriage guidance                                                    

Marriage Advice On Conflict

Conflict will arise in every love relationship. Instead of trying to never have conflict, instead it is useful to look at how there are bad and good ways to deal with it in your marriage.

If you deal with conflict in the following ways, you can kill your relationship. Trying to dominate your spouse by shouting or screaming at them is common but a big danger sign. Mocking your husband or wife or insulting them during conflict is another way to cause lasting marital damage.

There are a few things you can do that are healthy when conflict arises. One of the first things you can do is take a breath. Breathe. This will help you to notice that we all often revert to the emotional age of 7 year old's during conflict.

While breathing, also see if you can notice that conflict causes crappy behavior. Crying, screaming, withdrawing, insulting each other. But the crappy conduct only last a few minutes in most cases. See if you can stop taking it so personally.

Another way to deal with conflict healthily is to learn to de-escalate it. Don't let it build up to the point where you say or do things you'll regret. One way to de-escalate can be to withdraw for five minutes. Say I need a few minutes to think about this, then leave the room.

Also, once you've finished the immediate argument, don't withhold your affection. Don't refuse to touch or caress your partner for days just because they fought with you. This can end up killing your relationship.

Next, try to reconnect with your mate after the argument. Don't wait days to talk civilly to them again. Once things have cooled down, even if you don't think it was your fault, reconnect. Say "sorry we fought, are you okay?" Do not let the anger between you linger.

There is a lot more to dealing with conflict in a healthy way, but these things are a good start. It may take months or years to master any of them, but you should have lots of opportunities to practice.

Marriage Advice Action Plan:

Notice any pain you feel in your marriage about conflict. 

What do you do during arguments?  Attack or withdraw?

Practice de-escalating conflict.  Talk quieter rather than shout.  Back away if you need to for a few minutes.

What requests can you make of your spouse around dealing with conflict more healthily? 

Marriage advice and guidance is good to learn.  A little relationship intelligence can go a long way in providing the type of marriage guidance that can help your relationship to thrive.  Spending some time learning relationship IQ can pay off for years down the road.  Marriage advice doesn't need to be hard to understand or follow!  Take an insight and try it in your marriage today.


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