marriage guidance                                                    

Marriage Advice On Communication

Obviously, men and women communicate with different basic styles. Women will often talk to connect. Men will usually talk to make points and problem solve.

Clearly this can cause problems in relationships. We can end up arguing or not feeling heard. So understanding more of your talking style and your mate's can help further intimacy between you.

First, lets discuss male talking styles. Understand that we are speaking in generalities here, but a basic male style could be called Dominant Driving. Men like to take charge in a conversation. They do this in several ways. But men are territorial, so they like to stake their claim in conversations. They may interrupt, they try to get to the point, they may be more argumentative, they may try to convince and make their points firmly.

And of course, men like to be problem solvers. Genetically, men are the hunter killers. See deer, shoot deer, get meat. They are the same with problems. See problem, kill problem, feel good. So your boss sucks is one point. Tell the boss off is their solution. Men clearly don't need to have great solutions, they just need to offer one.

A basic female talking style can be called Connective Considering. Yes, women can solve problems and get to the point, but they are usually not territorial or dominant in their talking style. They actually use communication to connect with their partner. They talk out loud. They are sharing their on going process. They don't wait to talk until they have it all figured out.

So women will share about the boss sucks, then say but the boss has been having a hard time with their marriage. They are sharing their intimate thought processes. Yes, they think the boss sucks. And yes, they relate it to the boss may suck because of marriage problems. They are connecting with their mate, sharing their inner process, not trying to hurry to a resolution. They can be more circular and considered.

This can drive a guy crazy. If the boss sucks, you've identified the deer that needs to be killed. Identifying that the deer is having problems with Bambi's Dad is irrelevant to the man. That seems to be useless information. Just shoot the deer by telling it off or by getting a transfer or whatever.

The way the sexes communicate differently is vast. But if you get that men like to make clear points and kill off problems, and that women often like to communicate to share and connect and reflect, you are off to a great start. Then you can try this: take some time each week to communicate in your mate's style, not yours, and see what happens.

Marriage Guidance Action Plan:

Start to notice your talking style and your mate's.

Ask your mate for patience when you need to talk in your style and it is causing frustration.

Marriage advice and guidance is good to learn.  A little relationship intelligence can go a long way in providing the type of marriage guidance that can help your relationship to thrive.  Spending some time learning relationship IQ can pay off for years down the road.  Marriage advice doesn't need to be hard to understand or follow!  Take an insight and try it in your marriage today.


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