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Marriage Advice - Love

Studies have been done that show that over time in relationships the feeling of love diminishes. The studies looked at several factors like frequency of touch, eye contact, verbal connection, and other factors.

This is because love is not just some mysterious, awesome feeling that just comes in and out of our lives.  The feeling of love has many causal connections.  For example, eye contact is an indicator of love.  Over time we tend to look in the area of the eyes when talking with our mate. 

This is not as powerful as direct eye contact, which in the beginning of our relationship we made more often.  So eye contact is a causal factor for intimacy or its lack.

Looking at several love factors, the studies have shown that across the board in most  marriages intimacy factors decrease over time.

This means that the longer you are married, the less love you are likely to experience as a couple. Over a long period of time, you can end up feeling more like roommates.   This is a fairly common experience for people in long term relationships.

Diminishing love in your relationship does not have to be your fate. You can actually take steps to increase the level of intimacy you experience with your spouse over time. Here are a few things you can do beginning today to have more intimacy:

Step One: Engage in more small, connective talk. It may surprise you, but small talk that connects has been demonstrated to be a big deal in creating more intimacy. The studies found that the more small talk, the less big blow out fights partners have. Further, they show that lovers report more satisfaction in their marriages where they had more small connective talk about little things and observations during their day.

Connective talk is simple.  You say things like "nice to see the sun out today."  Your mate responds with "yes it is.  You say something like "I think I'll spend some time in it cleaning the patio off."  Your mate says "that will be good.  I have to work late today, so I'll miss out on the sun mostly."  You say...

Small connective talk is simply sharing observations about your day and life with your mate.

Step Two: Appreciation. The ego tends to compare itself to how it thinks other people are doing all the time. It's easy to always focus on what seems to be missing in our relationships, which can lead to dissatisfaction and divorce. But you can make a little BIG change by simply finding 3 things each day you appreciate about your spouse. This leads to more expressions of affection.

There are lots of other factors that impact the experience of love in marriage. But these are simple and you can practice them several times each day to actually improve your experience of intimacy with your lover.  And you can begin to explore other intimacy factors that are important to the both of you and practice them more often also.

Additionally, there is a lot more marriage intelligence like this that is easy to learn that will add to the quality of your love life. Developing intimate relationship skills now can help you for years into the future.

Marriage Advice Action Plan:

1.  How much small talk do you engage in now with your spouse?  How interested are you in their daily dramas?  How interested are you in theirs?  Start being interested and sharing small talk with your mate about these things. 

2.  Consider how to nurture your mate more through appreciation.  How often do you express some appreciation for your spouse directly to them, in a love note or a hug? 

Marriage advice about love is good to learn.  A little relationship intelligence can go a long way in providing the type of marriage guidance that can help your relationship to thrive.  Spending some time learning relationship IQ can pay off for years down the road.  Marriage advice doesn't need to be hard to understand or follow!  Take an insight and try it in your marriage today.


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